Please read the second article after reading this article. Jackie

Last month I found myself standing at a road that no longer went straight, staring at a fork in the road where I never expected to find myself. Which path do you take? I didn't have a map and I had no guide, no plan, either the left or the right looked equally wrong. But somehow I found myself realizing I did have a guide, a clue as to which path to choose.

So, I found myself doing something that isn't my natural way of operating. I took my favorite photo of Mike and the Red Scamp in Florida at the FL 120 and it became my guide, my example. He has his head down, shadowed by a sailing hat and he is pulling the Red Scamp through the shallows, just putting one foot in front of the other, slowly walking her to shore. I have a series of these photos taken by Flying Frog, each one almost a movie frame, each differing just by a few movements and motion of the boat, heading to shore. One foot in front of the other, steadily moving toward shore.

So I made the simplest of daily achievable goals: Get up, let the dogs out, check my blood sugar levels, take my insulin, eat something healthy, take my medications, get dressed. Anything more was just extra, lagniappe. Accomplish this by noon and keep going slowly and steadily and calmly and repeat at evening, stay awake and repeat same thing in reverse.

And somehow I found this simple methodology, the same one Mike used to consistently build boats without losing sight of where he was, the one he used when he sailed, the simplest rule of slow, consistent action, got me through the absolute worst period of my life. I had lost my mother who lived with us one night, only to be followed by Mike being admitted to intensive care and dying the same week. Yes, my mother was old, yes Mike was very ill. But no one is prepared for this so abruptly, so suddenly, so finally.

I had just lost everyone in my family and Mike's in one year except our two children. No one plans for this.

What do you do? I surprisingly and calmly made the decision. I chose life and to go on living.

You want to scream, to say life isn't fair, it shouldn't end this way. And the most surprising thing happened, I didn't do this. Mike never really discussed dying because he just wasn't going to admit he couldn't beat it, not until the very end and even then he really kept trying to keep going, just like he always did. So, no decisions on boats built or partially built. No instructions on what to do. He asked me to hold Sail Oklahoma 2015 and spread his ashes in our lake, where he had been the happiest he said in his entire life. He asked me to make my own decisions but I knew what he wanted and what I had to do.

So, I didn't hesitate when my children said sell the boats, stop going to boating events, sell the house and the Boat Palace and move to an apartment in Houston and take up some other hobby. I had just watched Mike die and I could not imagine this was what he wanted. I informed them I had lost nothing in Houston and I was staying right where I was. I also pointed out many of our boating friends were my friends long before they ever met their father, they were shared friends. They told me I had no place in boating, that this was their father's hobby, not mine.

So, I have spent one month analyzing whether they are right, asking myself why I have spent so much time, money and effort on the world of small boats. The answer is really a simple one and made my decision for me. The friends and people I have met in the world of little boats are the finest and most incredible people on my journey through life; I cannot imagine walking away or taking the other branch where the road forked.

So I chose my own path. For better or worse, I decided which road but I know I will not be alone on it, I have a lot of company, a lot of friends and a lot of friends I have yet to meet. It is not a totally unfamiliar road, nor is it one that scares me. In fact, I am excited and looking forward to going adventuring on my own. And I can hear Mike behind me saying, "Heck of a time to make this decision!"

Sail OK began when I realized my friends to whom I wrote did not know each other, nor did the designers know their builders and each other.  That had to end and so my own personal boating party began on our private beach and back yard.

The Kiwi Duck by John Welsford sailed by Chuck Leinweber, two of the best friends I have ever had in my entire life and a daily inspiration to me.  Thank you both for this gift of unconditional love and friendship.

Hold it and they will come.  And come they do from all over America and the world.  Once a year over Columbus Day weekend, my back yard becomes the center of the small boat universe as it fills with talent, skill, love , dogs and children.

The Florida 120, the Red Scamp and Mike, all pivotal events and people in my life. I will debut my AF3 here and my first true sailing experience on my own among friends and those I love.

Small Boats, Big Adventures.  Small Craft Advisor magazine and Duckworks magazine.  Their publishers and editors allowed me to find my voice and writing skills once again.  Thank you both.

Adrift on a lonely sea and far from shore, I felt like I’d been left to sit like the Red Scamp in the mud of Florida  Bay, mired and unable to move. How was I to free myself?

One foot in front of the other, head down, pulling steadily and heading for shore.

Safe at anchor, preparing for whatever the next day brings.

John Welsford at the helm of The Wooden Duck, finishing with full sails and  racing as though Duck Racing was his normal activity, with style and professionalism. Thank you JohnW for all the hope and soul you give to us all.

The AF3 sharpie by Jim Michalak and built by Gene Berry.  Jim and Gene, how great are your gifts and how humble it is to an unskilled sailor like me.  “Bottoms Up!” will be mine and I cannot thank you enough for that, not if I lived another life after this one.

The path of the sea is lit to show the way to the heavens and our guide for life.

Do I have a plan? Do I know what is going to happen? Is there a guaranteed happy ending? No, but we don't have that at any time. What we have is today and what we do with it. Just putting one foot in front of the other, with an open mind and an open heart, willing to accept what happens, good or bad and learn from it and keep going. Not only do I have Mike to guide me through this journey of discovery but a lot of friends who I respect and whose attitudes made me embrace this whole unknown world and join it. Chuck Leinweber, Andrew Linn, Gene Berry, Tom Pamperin, Dan Rogers, Josh Colvin, John Welsford, Howard Rice, Jim Michalak, John Turpin, Bill Nolen, Michael Storer, Dave Gentry, Richard Woods, Graham Byrnes, John Goodman, John H. Wright, John Owens, Sean Mulligan, Chuck Pierce, on and on, a never ending line of guys who designed and built boats, sailed them and fearlessly wrote about going adventuring with truth and honesty and a willingness to put it all in print and on the line for the world to see. Fearless often and not afraid to say they made mistakes or to try something different and perhaps a little odd at times.

So, instead of entering a nunnery in grief and despair, I am going to celebrate life and see if I can find some adventures of my own. And I intend to write about the trip, for better or worse, with honesty and tell you what I found along the way, new people I meet, new places I go, new or old friends. I realized that throughout the years Mike and I often shared dreams like so many others of you do. And like a lot of others I suspect, I am suddenly alone and where do the dreams go then? My conclusion is the dreams can remain but they have to change, to become your dreams and not a shared dream or someone else's you borrowed.

Six years ago Mike sailed into infamy as he often said in the Texas 200. It came at a time that Mike stood at a road that forked for him as well. I told him to choose his path and don't look back, we would make it work. I am an enabler of the worse sort, the kind that recognizes something so rare and good and special that you know you have to do whatever it takes to make it come true for someone you love.

Now I stand at that same forked path and ask "Do I give up a shared dream? Do I say it is impossible and just quit?" Or do I do what I keep telling the rest of you to do, "Just do it and do it now. Don't wait for it to be perfect. Don't wait for the perfect boat; the perfect time, just go because there is no guarantee of tomorrow."

There will be no Foot Loose by John Welsford for me, no Mike to build it, no skills to take it down the rivers or around the shores of America as Mike planned. But there is another boat I truly loved and invested a lot of time in, a boat I never stopped loving, the Welsford SCAMP. The Red SCAMP was as much my dream as it was Mike's, maybe more so mine, because she was so impossibly cute and seaworthy and I knew it the minute I saw the first drawings that JohnW sent me. I knew what she was going to become and I was going to do everything I could to make it happen. Even before Andrew Linn got us involved in his saga of two SCAMPs in 90 days and sail the Everglades Challenge in a pair of toy boats. Even before that I saw what she could be.

And that dream has never died for me. It was the dream of a little capable boat that could be pulled by anyone with almost any vehicle, that could be sailed in almost any body of water, that could be sailed by almost anyone and learn the skills. I drove hundreds of thousands of miles with Mike Monies without a boat that could do this, with no boat at all, just a dream. And I knew others had the same dream, the same hopes. And here was the SCAMP, the answer to those dreams.

So, Mike may have moved on from the SCAMP and wanted new dreams but I never stopped. I watched Gig Harbor bring out their fiberglass SCAMP and I loved her. I asked Mike to let me buy one for him but he was already moved on to another mistress, another love but I hadn't. So, that is my dream, still the adorable cute little pug nosed SCAMP, the little boat that could. And that was my decision, if the SCAMP could do this, so could I. No, I am not Mike and I never will be but I am Jackie Monies and I can live my own dreams and I know I will have help along the road when I need it, as I know I will.

For Valentine's Day 2015 I bought myself the best little red and white heart shaped gift. I sent Gig Harbor boats my money and order for a customized red and white SCAMP, the Red Scamp, Too. I don't need vases of roses, although I do love them. I want mine a little natural and unarranged, without the baby's breath or red ribbons. That is what the Red Scamp, Too is, my vase of roses. I will put a heart on her name plate and that is about as "cute" as she gets, aside from her natural beauty.

In the meantime, I have another present to play with, the "Bottoms Up!" Which will also be red and white, a gift from Gene Berry in the form of an AF3 sharpie from Jim Michalak? You didn't think I was going to totally leave the world of wooden boats did you? I'd be drummed out and Mike would return to haunt me! No, I love sharpies and Gene is building me one using my marine ply and materials, his labor. The name is inspired by "Oh, Crap" on Duckworks' forum page and fact I do not know how to sail one. I figure we will have lots of views of both her bottom and mine as I capsize her. Gene graciously is modifying her with extra flotation in preparation. I am in turn am trying to improve agility and muscle strength to learn self-rescue and getting back in the boat.

The next year of my life looms with a daunting and difficult schedule in so many ways. But I am excited about it and looking forward to life, not because it is perfect, not because it is easy, not because the time is right. That just isn't going to happen for any of us and we can't wait for it to be, the stars are not going to align like that. Go with what you can, cut the path if a paved road isn't visible, strike out and get on the journey now. Life doesn't wait for anyone.

Go now, go small, but go. The smaller the boat, the bigger the adventure.

See more photos on:

www.ghboats.com